My wife and I spent new years eve with her sister and husband. We slept over at their place and were enjoying a nice lazy morning in bed. My sweet spouse was playing with my goatee which has grown rather long since my trimmer broke recently.
Wife: Wow, it’s grown really long and fuzzy. It feels like a turd.
Me: Excuse me?
Wife: You know, a turd. Like fresh grass.
Me: Do you mean “turf?”
Wife: Oh, yeah that.